You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
