tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
