i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
