Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
