I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
not ubering you a puppy
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
