so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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