After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
