It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
