the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
