So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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