She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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