you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
