I like to think it a success when the cops are called
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i need some magic done to my vagina
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
