It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
