obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
