its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Terrible idea I love it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
