I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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