Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
