The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
