nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
