I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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