I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
