I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
