So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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