so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
