Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
