I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
