If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
