So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
