I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
