we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
