New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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