Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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