my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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