...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
