He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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