I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
