I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
