Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
