I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
