Betty ford says i'm here all night
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
