i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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