i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
