I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
