Your face is a jimmy john
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
