i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You just made me feel so damn special
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
