why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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