I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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