Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
