I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Let's paint friendship bongs
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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