fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
