nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
