I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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