mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
