hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
